human emotions demystified...

human emotions a difficult subject to write for a fledgling writer like me and belonging to the breed of writers who does not believe in "throwing in the towel" i want to take a chance and its up to you to decide how succesful i am.
to begin with we can divide our life majorly into two halves fear and love..jus like we have the negative and positive part of the number line we have fear occupying the negative end of the spectrum and love occupying the positive end of the spectrum....any human emotions can be classified as either belonging to these extremities or lying somewhere in between...
for ex take the case of a kid who has his maths class test lurking in the horizon and he has not yet prepared as he went on procrastinating his study schedule which resulted into him resorting to cheating on the exam day ....what do you call that?????
"fear...yeah..."
to further my point, its a strange phenomenon which happens with everyone called cognitive dissonance in psychological parlance wherein the mind learns cognitively what is correct and what should be done(in this case the feeling in the child not to cheat) but then still it does something exactly antithetical to what it has learnt....to corroborate further take the case of a soldier who before going for a war knows that its wrong to kill people but that doesnt deters him from killing his adversaries....you can still label that as fear ..fear of surviving from the enemy's bullet which can blowup his body into smitheerens at the drop of the hat......

now talking about the other extreme called"love" i would like to expatiate on "love "as a feeling first .......and i am getting goosebumps at this thought only which has just flashed through my mental plate...lets take one perspective first ....Is it the fear of getting "rejected"?is it the fear of being "alone"?or has it to do with "fear"of failing .....all three q's blatantly point to fear as the driving force for "love"....little disturbing ..i guess...
let me veer around and come out of my semi torpor and take another perspective ....love as a feeling which came first which engendered fear.... and not the other way out...........sounds incongrous but justwatch people and world around and you will realise that this is not just my figment of imagination.......ask a survivor of a terrorist attack and jus observe the subtle yet pronounced changes(in a way or the other)which has happened in his life post that phase...see his care ...see his love for things as nondescript as his personal possesion or his renewed love for persons who are valuable to him....a fallback of fear you may say....but if you look the other way around its the gnawing fear of loosing the loved ones.....serendipious,isnt it???????
still unsatisfied ...let me go further ...you love someone at the first place and then dread(read fear)the occurence of any act from your part which will make him love you less......huh..........a big conundrum..........
ohkk ..lets totally digress and see how does this sound??i assume that our life cycle is not a strictly monotonic curve take ax^2+bx+c ...as a general curve which mimiques our lifes trajectory(not neccesarily true).....now suppose the discriminant is greater than zero and it has two real roots (ya i am talking about a real situation )....and the parabola cuts the life axis....the two positive roots(distinct....so you can very clearly notice that assuming yourself to be sliding along the curve from the leftupward portion you will strangely realise that you when you are at the top there is a persistent "fear"of falling down....once you are sailing along the plateau there are gamut of human emotions which sometimes are a chimera of sorts and instill desire to consolidate in your mind..yes i have to maintain this position of mine and you start tweaking with it a little bit and voila here you are on an upward trajectory wherein you inadvertantly "give" love and "want love".....sounds intriguing...yes it is....
so,again the crux of the discussion is who is the controller of all this????is it on its own......???no my friends it is the eternal battle between the "id"and the "superego" which is in turn controlled by our "ego"..........its the outcome of this battle which decides who wins and what emotions govern a human mind...........suggestions welcome.............

demurrings of an internee.....(updated till scene 4)

DISCLAIMER::any resemblance to a person living or dead is purely coincidental and is not at all intended by me.
SCENE 1::::::::::::::

"this is your cubicle and your system , make sure that by today evening you get all your things in the place " said shankara to his mentee pradeep in a jovial manner.(poor pradeep would not have even fathomed in his wildest dream that this could be the precursor of an impending storm brewing in the cup)

"yes shankara sir, i will make sure that by evening i will fix everything and feel at home"chipped back the complaisant lad...(totally unaware of the flexi policy the companies have introduced these days wherein you can work even from home and in doing so,it will be hard to figure out whether you are in the office or at home..hats off to the astuteness of the people sitting at the higher echeleons of the corporate ladder who have devised such an ingenious(read inhumane)way of increasing productivity.)

"now don call me sir,call me shanky...i am your buddy pradeep"
"yes shanky"

"so how are you finding this place? made any friends..?"

"not really,right now my focus would be to understand what would be the nature of work i will be doing and understand the nitty-gritties of the niche domain wherein i will be working"(wake up dude ,you are not giving an interview man..you are giving an impression that you are one of those breeds whose sole aim in the life is to to "work- hard"which is very unlike today's youth who "hardly-work" and are firm believer in the maxim "ignoramus et ignorabimus" meaning "we do not know and will not know")

"ya good man, i like your attitude.you will go miles.i will make you an expert in few months"shanky said in a reassuring manner....
(with a sly smile and look which will give a butcher sharpening his knife to tear the innocent animal, a run for the money )


SCENE 2::::::::pradeep is finally fully ensconsed in his cubicle and met his team mates...
"hey hi ...this is pradeep.... "
"hellos,this is nikhil.....how you doing?"...said nikhil....
"hey today is my first day at the office....."
"same here bro"....[he also joined as an internee the same day]
"man,did u noticed that hot chic adjacent to our cubicle??"(nikhil said sheepishly....)
"cmn man ..lemme put my hair down first and then i will start goofing around....."
"dude that chick is in our team only....and the nice part is she is not one of those how-dare-you-look-at-me kinda chick.....i can smell pheromones emanating from her....lets go and meet her.."
"cool man ..but i have some work to do....you move, i will swing by her cubicle in no time"....said pradeep......
"your wish man"..
"hey hi ....this is nikhil...."
"hello(ahem ..ahem...)....this is tulika"...
"fresher,rite?"
"ya first day in office"
"had your things fixed??"quizzed nikhil......
"yeah almost"
(huh.....started hitting on me straight on....i don understand why they pretend to be samaritans upon seeing any beautiful girl....this freaks me out........)
pradeep joins....
"hey hi myself pradeep......(looking sideways....dumbass din't even had the guts to see her eyes directly).....
"hello...ya nikhil told me about you"
"why dont we guys have our lunch together????the food looks awsum and the cafeteria will be a good place to eat and talk ........what do you say guys??"(ya happens with every internee......at the onset the food looks phenomenal but as time passes even the mere mention of offices "food" ruffles everyones feathers....)
yeah for sure.....(seconded pradeep.......)



SCENE 3::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
"hey pradeep attend the IFUN classes(name given to the training for new hires which has everything sans fun)and get me the simulation results by evening"said shanky the mentor to pradeep.
"ya shanky,i will make it a point to finish my task by evening"nods pradeep....
scene shifts to nikhil and tulika's cubicle as pradeep left for the IFUN training..
"hey tuli,(huh sounds endearing)wat are you doing in the evening?may be we can make oops move out to barista and have our share of fun there?wat do u say??"said nikhil.....
"sure,but then for that i need to complete my work by evening...."sighed tulika....
"hey meanwhile can you teach me how to play foosball?said tulika like a kid showing the earnestness symbolic of that age......
"sure....(as if he were some pro in foosball...but then there is no denying the fact that boys do have a flair for games....which reminds me of the match where i defeated two girls single handedly in a cliffhanger where until the last shot the fate of the match was swinging like an euphoric pendulum bob which wants to break free from the tension imposed by the the goddamnit string and behaves violently)
the scene shifts to foosball room...
"hey you should hit the ball like this"
"nahi ho raha hai...".(as if she has to shove a baby out of her vag....apologies for the gross reference)..
"hey its no rocket science...its simple as soon as the ball comes near your stick you have to hit it to impart it a momentum so that the locus which it traces should land it in oppositions goal...see here it goes.....bang........"....high 5 claspings all around..
"yippie ,yippie.........goal...."(ohh this girlie excitement and tantrums ...makes me contemplate whether darwins theory of evolution had a fundamental flaw that girls where excluded from the evolutionary stages which distinguishes us homo sapiens(read man) from the homonids...(the general ape family))..........
"so you liked it..didn't you?"
"ya totally..it's indeed an amusing sport"said tulika......
"hey lets go .....I have to run an errand.... "
both leave for their cubicle....


SCENE 4::::::::::::::::::::
"hey guys ...where where you?tulika your mentor was searching for you..."said pradeep
"ya i havent even met my mentor once..i was supposed to meet him at 0200 hrs in the conference room( the vanishing point....what an irony they have named the conference room for meeting purposes as vanishing point..pity on their creativity)..i will leave guys"said tulika
........
(in tulika's room)"hey hello thulikhaa...i am your mentoraaa* S.bandaru....... you can call me bandaru"said her mentor vigorously nodding his head laterally....
"ohh sure bandar..i mean bandaru......."said tulika sarcastically,with bandaru totally unaware of the sarcasm....
(before delving into the engaging conservation that ensued let me delineate the appearence of bandaru...he was one of those staunchly southindian fella whose forehead was smeared with white colour and who if given the permission to flout office dress code rule, would not at all hesitate to wear a "lungi"aayeoooo..........and another striking feature in his personality was his "vernacular accent"...remember mentoraaa......the southindians have this habbit of adding the letter "aaa" after every goddamnit word..and this is a habbit which pervades one and all even the learned ones to the naivetes which is insanely irritating ....ohkk.....not veering much and retuning to the conversation...)

"SO I HAVE ARRANGED A MEETINGaaa FOR YOU WITH HARIaaa ,HE WILL GIVE YOU IDEA OF OUR PRODUCT PORTFOLIOaaa AND TOOLSaaa WHICH WE USE AND FROM TOMORROW YOU WILL HAVE TO GET INTO THE THICK OF THINGSaaaa "(jesus christ was he speaking with capslock button switched"on") bandaru said......
"sure i will make it a point to attend it and will get back to you "replied tulika
meanwhile pradeep was being explained some work by his mentor shanky.....
"you should always try to debug like this ....it is advisable"said shanky..
"yeah ...but then i have to learn how does it works"
"you will learn it man...dont panic....you can ask me for help whenever you need any...."fine said shanky....
after some time pradeep pings his mentor on the intranet communicator used for chatting within the office "shanky i am unable to fix the bug ..there is some issue i guess....can you please check??"
"i can see everything ..."replies shanky (sitting from his desk using remote desktop connection which allows anybody to access anyones laptop using just the user name and passsword and thus in a way showing the benefits(read perils) of networking)
huh......as if he were some god who can see what i am doing at my desktop...the perils of networking...goddamnit.....said pradeep to himself...
"ya man..what is the problem?i asked you can you do it and you said yes and now you are asking me to fix it???"asked shanky in a unpleasent tone....
"yeah it was working when you where here...i don know what has happened out of the blue"
"what man....wait lemme come to your cubicle"
"awcmnnnn.....man that is simple just log from a different shell and give your id and then telnet the router to see whether its working or not??said shanky....
"you shouldnt ask these things man...you are supposed to do it yourselves...."
"but then you only told me to ask for your help when needed,rite??"said pradeep in an apologetic tone....
"yes but then i want you to solve your problems on your own ...take your time...if you will rack your brain to figure out a solution you will learn more instead of me spoonfeeding you....you are no longer in college...you have to accept this fact....whats your background?"remarked shanky in a haughty manner....( yes poor pradeep was not used to such a treatment as he used to be cynosure of every teacher's eyes in his electronic circuits and wireless communiaction class....aahhh...time is a great leveller.......strange are the ways of the world or to rephrase it the travesties of life wherein you have to be game enough to receive the brickbats and the bouquet as well in a sporting manner...)
"i am from electronics"said pradeep like a victim about to be bludgeoned to death and yearning for sympathy ....
"k man....i can understand that things are a bit difficult initially ,but slowly you will learn...."smiled shanky....
"ya man..."
"hey what is that on your desktop"asked shanky
"ohh that ya i am actually a big helen hunt fan...so its her one of her vintage pics...which i have put on my desktop"said pradeep in a blushing manner.....
"anyways what kinda movies you like pradeep??"
"shanky basically i am fond of content based movies ....you know....something which makes you think..like sorcese or spielberg stuff...you know...what i mean!!!!....anyways chuck that, what kinda movies you watch shanky??"asked pradeep
"me???ya i liked the "DRAKULA"SERIES(ahh.... now the pieces of zigsaw puzzle are falling at the right place....now i figured out why poor pradeep was having such a hard time in the company...)a lot ..i watched the entire series man......it treats the venerable blood sucker as some romantic gothic hero....i liked the treatment man...."chirped shanky like a young lad in love who just had his first kiss and upon interrogation(read coercion)by his friends was sharing the memories.....
"cool man"said pradeep in a resilient tone after coming in terms with this eye-opener....(as if someone has just sucked everything((read blood)) from his body...scary...indeed........
"k man i will leave now....will see you tomoro in the morning...come early man...."said shanky
"ya man....i will for sure"
( jus for the knowledge of the readers pradeep was clocking 10 hrs a day at his workplace for the record......)

weekends..a fast catching phenomena

finally the much awaited weekend has come,yes 3 days in a row(gods must be crazy)and the sad part is that its already halfway through....the ironical part of weekends is that by the time you come in the mood...(yeah ,its the lassitude and unavoidable languor which the weekend instills)its gone and monday comes mocking at you..and being a true believer in the credo that "all work and no play makes jack a dull boy"i would jus like to say that the concept of "weekend "in essence is something which the indians where unfamiliar with uninitially but slowly the concept is catching up with one and all...for example to begin with, let me quote various perspective which people have about weekends...
i give the honours first to my "kaamwaali" who gets so euphoric upon even the mere mention of sunday(ya for them its a relatively shorter one day but still)....but for us(the working lot)its like our condition gets exacerbated all of a sudden on that particular holiday which surfaces like a hydra headed monster , once you face harsh realities in the form of unwashed utensils deriding you ,the ohhhh--soooo clean mosaic of our living rooms reminding you that you walk on them on your own risk and the unkempt(i don know a word better than that to describe our clothes)clothes which metamorphose into a "dusting cloth"in want of "safai...." in the absence of "kaam waali"......

secondly ,i would like to expatiate about my concept of weekends which essentially begins with sleeping and ends with sleeping...(i am getting a a barbaric yawn ahhhhhhhhhh.......even while writing)....frankly speaking i am not one of those wanderlust kind who thinks that weekends are meant not to stay at home...call it my letharginess or whatever, but for me getting a good sleep is something akin to a holiday package in "elysium"...its such a rejuvenating experience that it finetunes your body for the gruelling week ahead............and to talk about weekends without mentioning about another of my endearing passions would be an unpardonable offense which i dont want to commit......yes watching good movies gives me my required dose of "KICKS"which fills in void(read dullness)created by merely sleeping like a log of wood......anyways this weekend i watched another "phenomenal "movie called "the curious case of benjamin button"which indeed satiated my optical buds(i dont know if their exists any),fulfilled my desire of being a intelligent viewer of an intellactually stimulating movies and above all made me mull over the fact that when will the day come when our indian directors will make a sensible movie and i will for sure ,go on a chest thumping spree, giving an eye for eye to everyone who have been criticizing hindi movies from time immemorial........so that in essence gives you the delineated version of my concept of weekends....ohh i forget to mention one of the recent things i have learned in bangalore,that is ,cooking and trust me friends now i can say with my head held high that "mai apney pairo pey kahda hun literally ".....learning cooking was indeed an eye opener in many ways ..first and foremeost it made me realise how my mother toiled hard all day to prepare gustatory delights for us and like a true cynic(read connoissuer)i used to dish out every word of praise for food with extreme frugality and precision so that she shouldnt be complacent (see how thoughtful i was)......talking about another eyeopeners was instilling in me the confidence that yes" i can make a difference"(remember together we can and we will of sohaib illiyasi of india's most wanted fame)albeit in small measures .....and most importantly the belief that boys no longer need to depend upon girls ...now thats what i call "QUASI male empowerment"(never heard off......) which is a beffiting reply to a female chauvinist who once said that "we(women) don't need men"...young lady we also don believe in mincing words..we mean it.........so that in a nutshell sums it all about weekends a rapidally catching phenomena....
knock knock..who is there???another weekend knocking at the doorsteps...........

soliloquy

ahh...finally the much awaited day has arrived....phase 2 begins..if i look back in hindsight it seems that my deed-o-meter(never heard of it...yes,thats a new term coined by me which shows the relative statistical average of good and bad deeds a person has committed) is overwhelmingly in favour of the wrongdoings committed by me...i wont delve into that dark world of MY wrongdoings(as if i were some DON CORLEONE)i would be more than glad to make you acquainted with the 3 remarkable things(unlike the 3 mistakes of my life of chetan bhagat fame)i have taken from my life::

1)got a good jumpstart in my career inspite of my lackadaisical(pertaining more with the lack of determination)attitude...

2)got some real gud friends whom i can count on, wen i need dem...

3)being at the recieving end of the lotsa love from my kith and kins!!

as the cliche goes "life moves on ",so here i am right now starting afresh ...yes the name phase2 aptly suits it because for me starting a professional life is a feeling too overwhelming that can be felt but can't be written in entities such as words...honestly ,my myths about this world were too few to be shattered..ya to start with i have to acknowledge this fact that life as a student was very different..(i am not using" easy" to obviate the ire of people who eulogize it and are all gung-ho about it)it was all about procrastinations,b******** (to quote our lingo),doing everything except studying and still cribbing that i have to study this and that..,hitting on every other hot chick(not at all a sign of maturity...who cares..)and blah and blah....and now suddenly standing on the cusp of the professional world indeed, a paradigm shift::

To rephrase darwin " nature(read society) chooses those animals(read humans) who have best suited genes to survive in this draconian world where the struggle for existence(where everyone is pulling each others legs)is intense and so demanding"

it intrigues me and makes me think that whether i am ill equipped to tackle the so famed "ways"of the world ??whether i have some chinks in my armour?? or is it a kind of insecurity which transcends people of all ages (even the most astute to the dumbest morons alive).....and i am not the odd one out....whatever be the reason i am all braced to face it and not get "cheesed"off(to quote one of my office mates who inspired me to write blog...huh...my blog "IDOL").....